


When You Can't Go Home (Go to Magnus' Loft)

by PitchonthePitch



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is happy as can be with Magnus, Clary shows up for like a minute, I also made Alec decide that he likes Simon as a person, Like, also I sorta incorporated Alec's POV at the end?, also Jimon and Sizzy are sort of mentioned/alluded to, also the format might suck it's my first fic, and Simon is Miserable, but not really, honestly it's less Climon and more Simon putting himself back together after that Clace kiss, just Simon hanging out with Malec all heartbroken and sad, like Alec got true love on the first try and Simon Did Not, like it's not a very ship heavy fic, so Alec feels for him, so it might be slightly ooc alec but I think it almost makes senses within the context of the fic, so there are some cute Malec moments but it's really lowkey, with the help of the High Warlock of Brooklyn and the Head of the New York Institute ofc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 11:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PitchonthePitch/pseuds/PitchonthePitch
Summary: Simon hanging out with Malec after the Clace kiss.  Not super well written (I kind of go over-the-top with the ending) (I just want Simon to be OKAY)





	When You Can't Go Home (Go to Magnus' Loft)

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said in the tags, it's not a very ship heavy fic. Just wanna let you guys know ahead of time so no one gets disappointed

He couldn’t go home. That’s the first place Clary would look for him. But where else could he go? For one crazy second, he thought about those vampires asking to be part of his clan, or whatever, and considered going back to Hotel Dumort -- and then he thought of how Raphael would react to finding out his vampires wanted Simon as their leader. So, nope. Hotel Dumort was out. He could not handle Raphael threatening to burn his junk off. Not tonight.

  
He knew Luke would let him stay over, but the problem with that plan was that Luke would want to talk about Clary. Or even if he didn’t, just seeing him would remind Simon of her.

  
He actually thought of Maia for, not even half a second. They weren’t at the level of friendship where he could ask to stay at her place, and even if they were, she had just started acting friendly with Clary and Jace. No matter what Simon was feeling, he didn’t want to ruin that. He didn't know if she would blame either of them for what happened. Plus, Maia had been the one to tell him to confess his feelings to Clary, in the first place. While they were on a date. Simon didn’t want to drag her into his disastrous love life any more than he already had.

  
Then, he thought of Magnus. Or rather, he thought of Magnus again. He’d actually been Simon’s first choice. But the problem with Magnus was that, with him, came Alec. Simon didn’t know if he could handle seeing any shadowhunter right now. Much less Jace’s parabatai. The Queen’s words were burned in his mind. They’ll always choose each other. Plus, he knew if he went over there, Magnus wouldn’t just give him a room; he’d give him tea and a listening ear, maybe even a shoulder to cry on, if needed. Magnus was always doing things for him, for everyone. Simon had yet to repay him for the last time he’d offered him a room. The last thing he wanted was to take advantage of Magnus’ kindness.

  
But what choice did he have?  
He couldn’t go home.

***

He was right. Magnus took one look at Simon's tired, wrecked form standing at his door and took him in, saying, “Make yourself at home on the couch. I’ll make tea. Or do you want to go right to sleep? You look exhausted, biscuit.” Simon felt like a five year old being nursed back to health from a cold.

  
“Tea sounds nice. Thank you, Magnus. For everything,” he added, as Magnus disappeared into the kitchen. ("Thanks. For everything.") (He shook the memory off.)

  
A voice rang out from out from behind him then. “Excuse me, Mr. Bane, the board would like to know when you plan on returning to the meeting.” Turning, he locked eyes with a shirtless Alec. “Oh, my God,” Alec said.

  
“Oh, my--” Simon echoed. He still couldn’t get the G word out. “I didn’t meant to interrupt--”

 

Magnus chose that moment to come out of the kitchen, tea cups in hand. Alec turned on him. “Who invited the daylighter?”

  
“You know,” Magnus said, setting the cups on the coffee table. “For being so intent on improving shadowhunter/downworlder relations, you sure don’t have a lot of good downworlder relations.”

  
Alec couldn’t resist. “I have you,” he said, and Magnus smiled, giving him a kiss. “Yes, you do. Now, either go back to bed, or go put on a shirt. Simon needs to talk.”

  
“I’ll go with the shirt,” Alec decided, “since I’ll probably be the one who has to explain to Clary and everyone else what he’s doing here.”  
Simon flinched at that. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” he said. And he proceeded to tell them everything. Crashing Clary and Jace’s mission, the Seelie Queen’s words when they were alone, the kiss. At the end of it, he said, “I don’t know. Maybe I should’ve gone back there. I’m sure the Queen would’ve been happy to have me.”

  
Magnus straightened in his spot on the couch, looking visibly tense. “No, Simon. You can’t trust Seelies, and you certainly can’t trust the Queen.”

  
“Speaking of improving downworlder relations,” muttered Alec.

  
“She knew what she was doing, Simon,” Magnus said. “With that kiss. She knew it would hurt you.”

  
Simon’s face crumpled in sadness and confusion. “Why?” he asked. “How am I even important enough for her to want to hurt?”

  
“You’re a daylighter now,” Magnus said. “The stuff of legends. She knows that makes you important to the rest of the vampires. She wants an alliance. She probably saw your rather close shadowhunter relations as a threat.”

  
(In the end, they always choose their own kind.)

  
“She was trying to cut your ties to shadowhunters,” Magnus was saying.

  
“Well.” Simon smiled, a little one that just showed his fangs. “It worked.”

  
Beside Magnus, Alec was surprised to feel a little pang in his chest. Maybe it was his recent decision to improve shadowhunter/downworlder relations. Or maybe he was starting to like the daylighter (perish the thought). “I’m sorry, Simon,” he said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Simon smiled again, a little less sharp this time, a little less broken looking. “I’ll get some more tea,” Alec offered, taking up the cups and heading into the kitchen.

  
Simon looked at Magnus. “Now I know I’ve hit rock bottom. Alec is being nice to me.”

  
Magnus smiled. “I actually think he’s starting to like you. You know, Simon, there was a time when I couldn’t imagine risking my life for a shadowhunter. Then I met Alec. I guess -- not all of them will break your heart, is what I’m trying to say.”

  
He thought of Alec risking everything to be with Magnus. He thought of Izzy calling him a catch and trying to help him with his Raphael problems. “Yeah,” he said. “The Lightwoods are pretty great.” The Lightwoods were great, but Simon wasn’t much in the mood to be talking about how great they were. He hung his head back, running a hand through his hair. “Is it -- is it supposed to feel this awful, Magnus?”

  
He felt the couch dip a little as Magnus sat next to him, patting his shoulder. “The first heartbreak is the worst. But it does get better with time. And time is the one thing us immortals have a lot of.” There was a pause. “She did, didn’t she?” he asked, and Simon saw that his eyes were narrowed with concern. “Break it, I mean.”

  
He thought about seeing Clary and Jace together. It hurt. Worse than a broken heart. It was like his whole soul had been irreparably damaged. “Not just her.” The cruel joke here was that Simon hadn't even wanted to talk about Clary, and now Magnus had him pouring his soul out. No, the really cruel joke was that Simon didn't actually have a soul anymore. “I’m gonna go help your Lightwood with the tea.”

  
Magnus nodded. “I'll be here.”

***

He found Alec on the phone, looking tense. Which was, well, pretty much the usual for Alec. Back turned to Simon, leaning his arms on Magnus’ counter, he said, “What were you thinking?”

  
Jace’s voice rang out on the other line, making Simon flinch. Perks of being a vampire. He could hear anything, even if he didn’t want to. “You’re blaming me?”

  
“I gave you specific instructions,” said Alec. “You and Clary were to talk to the Seelie Queen. You and Clary. Not Simon.”

  
“I tried, okay? He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

  
“You know what the Queen is like, Jace! Tell me you didn’t expect that something like this would happen.” Silence. “And what if it had been worse? What if Simon had died out on a mission he had no business being on? Are you trying to cause a downworlder uprising?” It was at that moment that Alec turned and caught Simon standing there, clearly eavesdropping. “I gotta go,” he told Jace.

  
“Is it Simon? Wait, Alec,” Jace said. “I know what the Queen’s like. But I never thought she’d go after Simon. Not like that. Please, just make sure he knows that.”

  
“I will,” Alec said, and promptly hung up. And then he was looking at Simon. A moment of silence passed like that.

  
“I came to help with the tea,” Simon said, dumbly.

  
“It’s okay, Simon,” said Alec, finally. “I’m not mad at you for overhearing what I said to Jace.”

  
He scratched the back of his neck. “One of the many odd happenings of today. You’re not mad at me.”

  
“Jace is the one in the wrong here. He should’ve known better.”

  
“He wasn’t wrong,” Simon said, leaning on the counter. “There was no stopping me from going.” He sighed. “It’s not his fault, you know. It’s no one’s fault. Which kind of sucks. It’d be easier if I had someone to blame. But the only one to blame here is me, for being totally blind to Clary’s feelings for him.”

  
Alec looked at him carefully. Another moment of silence, and then he seemed to decide something. “I’m gonna tell you something Izzy once told me. ‘Someday, someone is gonna love you. Heart and soul.’”

  
Simon smiled. He decided to take Alec’s sudden nice streak in stride. It was by far the most pleasant surprise of the day. “Izzy can be very wise.”

  
“She has her moments.” Knocking came then, so loud Simon didn’t need to be a vampire to hear it from the kitchen. Alec winced at the sound, probably thinking that he and Magnus would never get to sleep that night. “You know who that is, don’t you?” he said to Simon.

  
“Clary.” He could hear Magnus open the door and offer a tired hello. “I think I’ve kept you two up long enough. I’ll talk to her.”

  
“Are you sure?” Alec asked. “Magnus is the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and I hunt demons for a living. I think, together, we can get Clary out of here.”

Simon smirked. It was a new look on him. A little tilted, an almost inverted looking version of the usual Simon Lewis grin. But it was nice. “I’m sure,” he said. “Besides, even if you got her out, she’d just keep knocking on the door all night.”

  
Alec laughed. They went back in with the tea to a determined, yet sad looking Clary and a tired Magnus. “Simon,” Magnus said. “I’ve just informed Clary that you aren’t seeing any visitors.” Clary was stood just outside the door’s threshold. No doubt, Magnus had put up a ward to keep her there. She was shooting Magnus an almost betrayed look. The kindness he usual reserved for her was replaced with a cool kind of formality (probably something to do with the loud knocking in the middle of the night). Simon instantly felt stupid for ever thinking himself capable of taking advantage of Magnus. The High Warlock of Brooklyn.

  
“It’s okay, Magnus,” Simon said.

  
“Come on, Mr. Bane,” said Alec, gently dragging him back to their room. “I believe we have a meeting to get back to.”

  
“Forget the meeting,” Magnus said. He waved a hand, and Clary fell through the door. “I need sleep.” Alec laughed, a soft laugh, and they disappeared into their room.

  
Simon turned to Clary, and the smile on his own face quickly faded. Had it ever been that easy between them? It had, hadn't it? For a second there.  
“Simon,” she said.

  
“Clary.” They'd been in love, for a second there. “I guess we should talk.”

***

“Are you in love with him?”

  
“No. I love you, Simon.”

  
“Don't say that.”

  
“Why not?”

  
“Because you don't mean it like I mean it!” Simon struggled to keep his voice down.

  
After that, it became a rather short conversation. Simon said that loving him wasn't enough, if she secretly wanted Jace more. Clary brought up Maia and how jealous she had made her when they were first going out. Simon said his one date with Maia really wasn't the same thing because Maia wasn't in love with him, and he had never kissed Maia right in front of her. Clary said that wasn't fair; she only kissed Jace to save him and Simon. Back and forth they went.

  
Somewhere along the way, they reached an impasse. Simon couldn’t forget what happened, and Clary couldn't take it back. Neither of them could give the other what they really wanted. In a way, hadn't that always been their problem? She left.

  
Simon stayed. Tomorrow, he would go back home. He didn’t need to hide from anything anymore. He would think of ways to try and salvage his friendship with Clary and Jace. He’d try and take control of his own destiny, or whatever, as a daylighter. “The stuff of legends,” Magnus had said.  
Simon had been wrong earlier. The Queen hadn’t succeeded in cutting his ties to shadowhunters. He’d gone to Magnus’ place for a reason, and it wasn’t just because he knew he’d be welcomed with tea. For a long time, it was just Clary that had been his foothold in this world. Spending all that time with Magnus and Alec made him realize how much he still wanted to be a part of it -- and not just the downworlder part or the shadowhunter part. Both. No one could make him choose one or the other. Not even the Queen.

  
Tomorrow, he would figure out his place in this world.  
Tonight, he would sleep.

***

“You think those two kids’ll work it out?” Magnus murmured, eyelids fluttering. He was on the brink of sleep. Probably wouldn’t even remember this conversation in the morning.

  
“I think Clary’s the least of his worries,” said Alec, “considering he clearly has some underlying feelings for Jace.” He thought about the look on Simon’s face when he walked in on his phone call.

  
Magnus breathed a pfft sound between his lips that was absolutely adorable. Alec loved getting to see this side of him, all sleepy and happy and careless. “Sure,” he said. “Feelings of heartbreak and resentment. He'll be dating Isabel within the month. I’d put money on it.”

  
Alec wrinkled his nose. “Izzy could do better.”

  
Magnus smiled as his eyes slid shut. “You say that about everyone your sister dates. It’s one of the things I love about you…” His voice trailed off as he drifted to sleep.

  
“I love you, too,” Alec said, not caring if Magnus was awake to hear it or not. He loved getting to say that to him. There was a time when he never thought he would.

  
He stayed up for a long time after that. He could hear the door close as Clary finally left. He wondered if Simon went with her.  
He doubted it.

  
Mostly, Alec spent the rest of the night hoping. He hoped that Simon got the love he deserved, just like he had with Magnus. Hoped that Izzy found someone worthy of her. Hoped that Jace -- well, mostly, he just hoped Jace didn’t get back with Clary. Raziel knew that relationship would only bring about more drama the second time around.

  
Most of all, he hoped he and Magnus stayed together for a long time, and that he could make him as happy as possible.  
Alec went to sleep, hoping.

***

Simon woke up the next morning hopeful.

THE END.


End file.
